Black & White Argyle

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Perspective

This post will probably read as a jumbled mess because I'm not quite sure how to express my thoughts in a clear and concise manner. I've just felt like writing this down for a while, but have put it off until I could make it make sense. Since that still hasn't happened for me yet, I thought I'd go ahead and put it down in writing anyway. I can always edit later, right?

On June 20, 2014 I got some bad news at work and was left feeling uncertain, flabbergasted, and angry. The bad news continued for exactly six months. During that time, I started this blog as a way to recall good, funny, silly memories from my own life that have left an impression on me, helped me in some way, or just brought a smile to my face when I was otherwise sad or unhappy.

Now that the bad news is over and there are good opportunities and people in my life, I have continued to think back on the events of those six months and wonder what the real purpose was in all of that mess. I continually ask myself questions such as, "Did I learn everything I should have?", "Did I behave in a way pleasing to Heavenly Father?", "Is there anything for which I need to repent and make right?", and "Will I ever know in this life the reason(s) this happened?"

I suppose we do that with a lot of situations in our lives. We look back to see what we can learn, what more we can do, and how we can prevent the same bad circumstances from happening again in the future. What I realized, however, is that sometimes we continue to look back (or look back longingly, as Elder Holland explained about Lot's wife) and forget to look forward and prepare for what the future brings.

Personally, I think I ride the line between the past and future pretty well. I'm a hopeful person, so I love to imagine and dream of the things that can be while preparing for what I want. I'm also good about evaluating past choices to prevent myself from making stupid decisions over and over again. Once is enough for me, thank you very much!

I guess what finally made this come to a head was some reports I heard recently on the news. One said something like, "If you haven't made it past the $45,000 per year mark by the time you're 35 statistics say you can plan to never make that much per year when you are past age 35." The other report said something like, "If you aren't wealthy or rich by the time you are 45 you can forget about ever becoming wealthy or rich." One radio news anchor read the report and the other commented, "Well, I guess that depends on how you define wealth or being rich." The news report came right after they had announced that three winners would share a $500 million jackpot from the Powerball lottery. Yes, lady news anchor, I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment.

My thoughts are these: how do we learn to feel rich or wealthy when everything in life is hard, when opportunities either don't exist or don't pan out, and when it seems that everything you do is leading nowhere? It's a monumental task, right? I found that it was. Even the hopeful me found my hope waning in the face of significant adversity that I still believe will impact the rest of my life and the rest of my time as a working individual.

Sometimes it's easy to feel overwhelmed, taxed, exhausted, frustrated, tired, and generally not worth your weight in any kind of metal, not just gold. What I learned during those six terrific and horrible months is that God is kind. Heavenly Father loves us so much. He understands the beginning from the end and really, truly cares about what happens to us. Our Savior, Jesus Christ also cares deeply about us, and His suffering allowed us to only taste of the bad without eating a whole meal of the bad. His understanding about our situations and circumstances is deeper and more profound than we could ever comprehend or even imagine. Maybe our real challenge is simply to continue having hope and faith that the bad events and circumstances end and we find the good again. I know it's possible to do that, but sometimes the road is long, winding, and filled with huge gusts of wind that take your breath away. I think our strength comes in hanging in there for the long haul and sticking with it until the end comes - whenever that is for us.

I'm sure my perspective will continue to change as life moves on and progresses, but for now I'm learning to be happy with the knowledge that Heavenly Father will take care of me and, of course, that our happiness and wealth are all about perspective. Would I have enjoyed winning a third of that $500 million lottery? Sure! That came with the realization that I would donate a lot of it, provide for my family, and use my early retirement to give back to the community through volunteer work. I believe that would be a very happy and wealthy life, but I can have it without the lottery winnings and even without any money at all. It's just perspective.