Soapbox

It's a soapbox day today. Are you ready? No? Well, get ready. 

There were limited cafeteria options at work today because of some party in the park that an affiliate was hosting (which I never heard about and did not go to), and usually I'm not pleased with work cafeteria food anyway, so I opted to walk across the street to the mall and take my chances at the food court. (And considering yesterday's thoroughly disgusting Chinese food fiasco, this was a mighty feat for a second day.) ANYWAY ... 

I got my Mexican food (kind of hard to mess that stuff up) and went to a more quiet corner and sat where I could people watch while aimlessly surfing the apps on my phone. The apps got boring quickly, so I ate lunch while I people watched. Great fun. If you've never sat back and watched people you should try it some time. It can get pretty comical. When I'm with good friends who are also people watchers, we've made up conversations between the people we're watching. It gets crazy fairly fast. What - that doesn't surprise you? Huh. 

My lunch was good, so nothing to complain about there, but as I sat there watching people interact, walk by, get their food, find places to sit, chat with their friends, etc. I had this overwhelming realization that we're all SO different. There were tall people, short people, skinny people, larger people, round shapes, straight sticks, curvy figures, white people, Asian people, Latin people, African people, adults, kids, moms and dads, and everything in between. As I stewed over that realization, I also realized how easily it was to judge them all for one thing or another. 

That one is really tall. I wonder how they find pants long enough. 
That one is so skinny. I bet they have to buy their clothes in kid's sizes. 
That one is so round and curvy. I wonder if they wear "plus sizes" (I hate that term, by the way). 
That one is so short. I bet his/her friends tease him/her. 
And so on, and so on. 

There were also thoughts about fashion (I can't believe they walked out of the house in that! Whoa - that's a short dress. Good grief, those pants look awful on him.) Now, I get that fashion is an individual thing. What some people wear I wouldn't be caught dead in, but I know very well that much of what I wear is too bland for other people. My aunt tells me all the time when we go shopping together to "get some more color" in my clothes. We have much the same coloring, and she looks great in very vibrant colors (I do, too), but I'm just not as comfortable as she is in those colors. I feel like I'm shouting at people with my clothes saying, "Look at ME!", yet that's not what I think when she wears those colors. It's personal preference, you know? 

As I'm watching all these people and having all these thoughts go through my mind I started to feel small for "judging" these people without knowing anything else about them. It's not that I was intentionally doing it or even doing it with a negative approach. They were just thoughts that kind of rambled through my head. ("Ye shall know them by their thoughts" ... is that a thing? Because if it is, based on today, uh oh.) 

I think what "caused" all of this is, sometimes when I'm not feeling so great about myself, I wonder what people actually think of me. (It's actually rare that I care what anyone else thinks about me. Take me or leave me. What I am is what you get.) Do they think I'm average or kind of pretty? Do they think I'm dressed fashionably or slouchy/frumpy/out-of-date? Do they look at my short pixie hair cut and think I look like a boy/man? Do my ears stick out so they think I look like Dumbo? Is my makeup smearing so they think I look like a raccoon? 

SERIOUSLY? Seriously. 

Not that I felt about myself that way today, but the thought did cross my mind, and then I wondered how many other people do the same thing. Honestly, this probably all stems from circumstances in my own life where people made fun, pointed, stared, whatever. I remember in junior high a particular instance. I have never been thin (or anything remotely close to it), and as I was walking in the hallways during lunch one day with a friend who weighed a lot more than I did, some very rude and stupid boys yelled, "Hey, it's Shamu and her friend, Shamu, Jr.!" Really guys? Thank heavens for me I've also been witty, so I came back with some snarky remark that shut them up. Those same boys were like that throughout high school. They were cruel to this friend of mine. It stopped with me because they knew I'd be vocal back and point out their worst features without thinking twice. Coping mechanism? Probably. Words work though. Sometimes they're piercing. 

And now that this has become a novella, I'll try to get to the point. I realized that as much as I know Heavenly Father loves me, I also know He loves all of His children. ALL of them. Even if they don't know Him or even recognize that He exists. Because He's our Father, He created us as we should be. Sure, we fluctuate in weight, our shape changes as we grow older, our looks become different as we age, but through it all He loves us just as much as He ever did. So who am I to judge what another person is or isn't? Who cares what they're wearing or whether they combed their hair? What does it matter that their personal habits are different than mine? What does height, weight, size or anything else have to do with anything? It doesn't! Heavenly Father sees us as we are now and as we can become. He sees us through "rose colored glasses" (if you will) because He sees our untapped potential as not only human beings, but as His imperfect children. 

As lunch wound down, I found that instead of looking at the outward appearances of people, I was looking more inward. I watched the couple sitting across from me with a set of twin girls (about two-years-old) and a young son (about 6 months) as they tried to get their daughters to eat and keep their son happy all while trying to connect in some way over what was probably his short lunch hour. I watched the young girl sitting across from me as she studied out of a text book and wrote notes furiously as she tried to better herself. I watched as friends sat together and talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company as they caught up on life adventures, sorrows, mishaps, and joys. I saw an older couple help each other to the restrooms, wait for each other to finish, and walk hand-in-hand back through the mall the way they'd come without saying anything at all to each other, and I knew they were still communicating. 

I think I got a small glimpse of what our Heavenly Father sees in each one of us: His children doing the best they can with what they've got. The reality is we're much more alike than we are different. Even though we're on similar journeys, we're still on different journeys. And hopefully, somewhere along the way, we're enjoying our journey and not worrying so much about what others think or what society says we need to be. 

From now on, I hope I can keep that perspective and, instead of judging those I see, love those I see. I have a sneaky feeling that people watching is going to be much better. 

America the Beautiful

Every Monday morning at work we have a brief devotional. The devotional includes a hymn, a spiritual thought, and a prayer for our efforts and work in the coming week. It lasts maybe 15 minutes, and it's a great way to start the week. I enjoy the fact that everyone gets an opportunity to share some of their personal experiences along with their testimony about a gospel principle. You can't do that at every workplace! 

On Monday of this week, a gentleman gave the thought. He talked about President Wilford Woodruff's experience in the St. George Temple where he was visited by the writers of the Declaration of Independence and they asked President Woodruff why their temple work had not yet been done. It was an eye-opener for President Woodruff, and he immediately went to work on having their temple ordinances completed. One of the points this co-worker was trying to make is that if we hadn't had such great leaders at the foundation of this country, like those who wrote and signed the Declaration of Independence, the way would not have been opened for Joseph Smith to restore the gospel in its fullness back to the earth. Events needed to happen in a certain order and freedoms needed to be established so that the gospel could be restored in a land where people's agency was considered a blessing and a priority rather than an inconvenience. 

At the end of the devotional thought, this gentleman asked that we sing "America the Beautiful." I was asked to lead the music. When we came to the second verse, I teared up as we sang the phrase: "God men thine ev'ry flaw." Why? Because last weekend, on June 26, there was a 5 to 4 vote for the legalization of same gender marriage. 

When the verdict came, I was at work and felt devastated. As much as I had hoped and prayed that the Supreme Court would recognize marriage between one man and one woman as the only viable way to protect and grow our society, I think I knew deep in my heart that the outcome would be in favor of same gender marriage. As much as I love my gay friends and family members, I do not condone, believe in, or accept same gender marriage as "the law of the land." It is not an issue of having the same rights either, although media sources have presented it as an issue of equality. 

Now is not the time to voice my full opinion on the matter. I guess if people want to know my opinion they can ask and then we can have an open and respectful discussion about why I believe what I believe. If it can't be an open and respectful conversation, I don't want to have it - regardless of whether other's opinions agree with me or not.  

Anyway, the reason I teared up while singing the hymn was because I realized that, even though I don't agree with the ruling, I do know and understand that God is in charge. Heavenly Father knows what will happen, and He understands the timing. He also provided us a book (The Book of Mormon) to help us avoid past mistakes. Sometimes we will avoid them; other times (like now) we won't avoid them. It is important to recognize in all things that Heavenly Father still allows us our agency. Unfortunately, it is the minority of us that are using our agency right now, and that's why laws have passed that will further deteriorate our country and society. It is also those laws that will impact God's eternal plan of happiness for us all and, try as they might, destroy the eternal family unit as we know it. 

So when I sang "God mend thine ev'ry flaw" in that hymn it evoked an emotional response to something I've pleaded for in my heart for years. I pray that God will continue to grant his grace to us as a country because of and in spite of the minority "votes" that seem to matter so much these days. I pray that God will mend our country's every flaw and help us learn to listen to His voice and return to His way of living. I pray that we will not only read The Book of Mormon regularly, but that we will learn from those of previous generations and not make the same mistakes by slowly (or quickly) accepting and tolerating laws that are not God's laws. It was the end of an entire population of people; may it not be the end of us. 

And may my gay friends and family members know how much I love them, how much I care about them, and how much I want the very best for them - in every aspect of life. Along with that, may they also understand that I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ, and Their love and laws will always be more important to me than anything else, including the opinion of those I love and care about. That's the way it should be if we really, truly want to live with Heavenly Father again. And I do want to live with Him again. Forever. May our "ev'ry flaw" be mended by the One and Only person who can.

On this day especially, July 4th, a day of independence and freedom, I honor those who have come before, who paved the way for my freedoms, and who helped bring about the restored gospel to this earth. I also honor God's laws and God's ways which allow me to not only have, but the ability to use, my own agency. It is a great Plan of Happiness we are living in, even when there are laws affecting my country that I don't agree with. Heavenly Father is still in charge, and I'm more than okay with that.