Big Wheels and Diarrhea

Remember these?

Totally cool! I think that one is very similar to the one I had. Although this is the one I wished I'd had:

(Image found here: http://www.pinstopin.com/big-wheels-from-the-70s/)

Because, hello? I'm a girl, and these were the coolest colors to have on a Big Wheel in the early 1980s if you were a girl. DUH.

In reality, if I could have had any Big Wheel I wanted, this would have been it:

My little preemie, Florida Patsy, whom I adopted from the Cabbage Patch, totally needed a place to ride, even if she did come along after this particular event happened. Isn't that the most awesome Big Wheel you've ever seen? And the stickers! The stickers just totally make it.

My friend, Shauna (who I shared a backyard fence with), and I used to have Big Wheels. We lived near an old church that has since been turned into a reception hall. (It probably hadn't been turned into a reception hall at the time this took place, but it goes to show we grew up in the coolest neighborhood ever.) The old church had this fun roundabout in the front where we could drive our Big Wheels really fast and then slam on the brakes and spin out. If we got going fast enough, we could totally do a doughnut and slam into each other like bumper cars. And, although we probably didn't, it felt like we rode our Big Wheels over to that old church every day and spun out and kicked rocks and basically tore up the neighborhood.

I remember one particular day pretty clearly. I hadn't been feeling well, but I convinced Mom I was feeling better so I could ride Big Wheels with Shauna. We probably had some serious plans. Because we were four at the time, and we were cool like that. I remember that it was summer, and it must have been in July or August because I also remember it was kind of windy and looked overcast even though the temperatures were warm. Monsoon season, you know?

So we headed out on our Big Wheels and rode the half block to the old church. We were there for a few minutes and I started to feel kind of icky again. Shauna knew I had been sick because I hadn't been allowed out to play, so when I said I needed to go to the bathroom she rode back up to our house with me. I "took care of business" as quickly as I could, and we rode back down to the old church. The same thing happened probably three or four times. We would get to the church, ride around the roundabout maybe once, and I'd have to go to the bathroom, so we'd ride back up to my house and repeat. I don't even know if Shauna remembers this or not. Maybe I should text her and find out. Or maybe I don't want to know if she remembers it. Yeah, probably less embarrassing that way.

By now, Shauna had figured out I really didn't feel good, and she probably didn't want to get sick, so she asked if we should wait and play again tomorrow. Good friend, that Shauna. But I was determined to feel better, even if it meant faking it until it happened. We headed back down to the church and spun around a couple of times. At this point, I was sick of having to go back and forth to the house, so I wondered (in my four-year-old mind) if I could hide behind some bushes and just go to the bathroom there. But it was the kind of sick where you needed toilet paper, you know? And there just weren't that many leaves. And, well, that's just gross. Even to a four-year-old. Unless I'd been a boy. Then, I wouldn't have cared.

I started to feel sick again, but it was right in the middle of a good spin, and we'd just gotten to the point where it was getting good so we could slam on our breaks and make the Big Wheels skid out and kick rocks and slam into each other. We were laughing and screaming at each other to go faster, faster!!!

And that's when it happened.

The diarrhea.

It couldn't be stopped. And I was already kind of sick to my stomach from the spinning, so that didn't help.

And I was wearing a pair of cream colored shorts. (Why do I remember that detail?)

Shauna must have known something bad happened because she stopped her Big Wheel mid-spin and asked, "Are you aw wight?" I think I simply said, "No." And then I turned my Big Wheel around and headed home and told her we'd have to play another time because I really wasn't feeling better. Good friend that Shauna was/is, she said, "Okay. See you later." And she followed me home, but instead of waiting at my house, she turned the corner and headed for her home so I could walk into the house with what little grace my four-year-old diarrhea-filled-behind had.

I don't remember if Mom was even home at the time. Somebody must have told me to rinse my dirty bottoms in the toilet water because I knew enough to do that. I must have used probably two rolls of toilet paper. And I think I even drew myself a bath, which is no small feat since I hated water and hated taking a bath. THAT is how bad it was.

To this day, I have no clue what happened to that Big Wheel or if I even rode it again. My guess is Dad probably got to be the one to hose it down. He had zero gag reflex, so he lucked out and got to do most of the gross things like that at our house. I'll have to apologize for instances like this one when I get to the other side and see him again. Sorry, Dad!

And sorry to whoever got that Big Wheel after me. So, so sorry.

Why can't I remember something better than that about my awesome Big Wheel? Diarrhea ruins everything!!!