The Guy Who Calls Me Jackie

I told Mom this story about a week ago. We had a good laugh over it, and it should probably be documented for future reference. In case I ever decide to change my name, you know?

Funny thing about names. I was given a first and middle name, and it's on the records of my church that way, but apparently my middle name never made it to my birth certificate, which is crazy because I remember seeing my original birth certificate as a kid, and my middle name was on it. Whatever, government records. The only reason I found out my middle name wasn't on my birth certificate was because I had to get an official copy (oxymoron? what does that even mean anyway, "official copy"; as if some copies are unofficial or not legit?) for traveling or something. I paid something like $90 (an absurd amount) for that "official copy" only to realize it listed no middle name. The government people said I could come back within 90 days and pay a "small fee" for them to change it, and after 90 days it would be something like $150 to change it. You know who didn't make it over there within the 90 days, right? Yeah .... So I don't officially have a middle name, but I really do where it counts, so whatever. But I do have an "official copy", so that makes everything better, right? 

ANYWAY, I'm not changing my name any time soon (or, like, ever), but this guy at work seems to think my name is Jackie. But he only thinks my name is Jackie sometimes. Allow me to explain. Mainly because I'm also very confused right now.

A few months ago, I started a new job. I was introduced in our weekly devotional, within team meetings, etc. Being the new person is kind of stressful because you have to remember a bajillion names and the other people only have to remember one. Instant disadvantage for me. But I felt like I was getting to know people's names as I worked with them, and I usually wasn't afraid to ask their name if I didn't know. And my desk faces west. Yes, that's important.

There's this nice man we'll call John. Because that's his name. John is a very nice guy, always says hello or asks how the day is going, etc. At first, he didn't ever use my name. No big deal. I didn't know his name either. One day John came by my desk from the north and said, "Hey, Jackie. How are you?" Not wanting to embarrass him by pointing out he used the wrong name I answered, "Doing well. How are you?" (Because I still didn't know his name. I'm terrible with names.) A day or two later, John approached my desk from the south and said, "Hi there, Katie. Good to see you today." I still didn't know his name, so I said, "Hi there. Good to see you, too."

Similar exchanges happened a few times until I finally looked up his photo in our directory and realized his name was John. When I see him now I use his name. How appropriate and adult of me, right? I thought so. I noticed that whenever John approaches me from the north, he thinks my name is Jackie. Whenever he approaches me from the south, he thinks my name is Katie. Because I'm so appropriate and such an adult, I just let it be and didn't say a word to him about it. At this point, it's become kind of awkward that he's called me Jackie from the north for so long, and I didn't want to point out that I'm an idiot who didn't realize what name he'd called me until we were already conversing. It's totally awkward to break into a conversation and be like, "Yeah, so you know how you call me Jackie? That's not my name. But how are you anyway?" I mean, there's just no comfortable way to begin that conversation.

One day, one of my bosses was at my desk asking me to do something or check on something and John approached me from the north. He greeted me with the usual, "Hi Jackie." and kept walking. I politely answered back, and then turned to my boss who was looking at me with this funny look on his face. It was then I realized, yep, that just happened when my boss asked, "Did he just call you Jackie?" Why yes, yes he did. So I explained to my boss that when John comes from the north I'm Jackie, and when he comes from the south I'm Katie. And my boss was laughing. The secretary that sits across from me was laughing. It hadn't dawned on her why John only occasionally got my name correct. I had put two and two together, but she hadn't realized that he really thought of me as two different people and the name he chose to use depended on which direction he was coming from.

I tried to downplay it by saying to my boss and the secretary, "Yeah, it happens. But don't worry about it. I've figured out how to fix it." My boss said, "Oh, you're going to tell him he's calling you by the wrong name?" And I said, "Oh no! Heavens no. I don't want to embarrass him." They both looked at me like I was crazy, so I explained my logic. "When he approaches me from the north and calls me Jackie, I'm just going to say, 'Hi Steve!' And when he approaches me from the south and uses my real name, I'm going to say, 'Hey John.'"

They both nearly fell on the floor laughing. I thought it was a logical plan. No? My boss got control of himself and said, "He's going to stop and say his name isn't Steve and ask why you're calling him that." I said, "I know. That's the beauty of it. When he stops and says that I'll say, 'Oh really? Well, my name isn't Jackie, never has been Jackie, and never will be Jackie. I guess we're even.'"

Totally appropriate and adult-like, right? Yes, I'm very mature like that.