Soapbox

It's a soapbox day today. Are you ready? No? Well, get ready. 

There were limited cafeteria options at work today because of some party in the park that an affiliate was hosting (which I never heard about and did not go to), and usually I'm not pleased with work cafeteria food anyway, so I opted to walk across the street to the mall and take my chances at the food court. (And considering yesterday's thoroughly disgusting Chinese food fiasco, this was a mighty feat for a second day.) ANYWAY ... 

I got my Mexican food (kind of hard to mess that stuff up) and went to a more quiet corner and sat where I could people watch while aimlessly surfing the apps on my phone. The apps got boring quickly, so I ate lunch while I people watched. Great fun. If you've never sat back and watched people you should try it some time. It can get pretty comical. When I'm with good friends who are also people watchers, we've made up conversations between the people we're watching. It gets crazy fairly fast. What - that doesn't surprise you? Huh. 

My lunch was good, so nothing to complain about there, but as I sat there watching people interact, walk by, get their food, find places to sit, chat with their friends, etc. I had this overwhelming realization that we're all SO different. There were tall people, short people, skinny people, larger people, round shapes, straight sticks, curvy figures, white people, Asian people, Latin people, African people, adults, kids, moms and dads, and everything in between. As I stewed over that realization, I also realized how easily it was to judge them all for one thing or another. 

That one is really tall. I wonder how they find pants long enough. 
That one is so skinny. I bet they have to buy their clothes in kid's sizes. 
That one is so round and curvy. I wonder if they wear "plus sizes" (I hate that term, by the way). 
That one is so short. I bet his/her friends tease him/her. 
And so on, and so on. 

There were also thoughts about fashion (I can't believe they walked out of the house in that! Whoa - that's a short dress. Good grief, those pants look awful on him.) Now, I get that fashion is an individual thing. What some people wear I wouldn't be caught dead in, but I know very well that much of what I wear is too bland for other people. My aunt tells me all the time when we go shopping together to "get some more color" in my clothes. We have much the same coloring, and she looks great in very vibrant colors (I do, too), but I'm just not as comfortable as she is in those colors. I feel like I'm shouting at people with my clothes saying, "Look at ME!", yet that's not what I think when she wears those colors. It's personal preference, you know? 

As I'm watching all these people and having all these thoughts go through my mind I started to feel small for "judging" these people without knowing anything else about them. It's not that I was intentionally doing it or even doing it with a negative approach. They were just thoughts that kind of rambled through my head. ("Ye shall know them by their thoughts" ... is that a thing? Because if it is, based on today, uh oh.) 

I think what "caused" all of this is, sometimes when I'm not feeling so great about myself, I wonder what people actually think of me. (It's actually rare that I care what anyone else thinks about me. Take me or leave me. What I am is what you get.) Do they think I'm average or kind of pretty? Do they think I'm dressed fashionably or slouchy/frumpy/out-of-date? Do they look at my short pixie hair cut and think I look like a boy/man? Do my ears stick out so they think I look like Dumbo? Is my makeup smearing so they think I look like a raccoon? 

SERIOUSLY? Seriously. 

Not that I felt about myself that way today, but the thought did cross my mind, and then I wondered how many other people do the same thing. Honestly, this probably all stems from circumstances in my own life where people made fun, pointed, stared, whatever. I remember in junior high a particular instance. I have never been thin (or anything remotely close to it), and as I was walking in the hallways during lunch one day with a friend who weighed a lot more than I did, some very rude and stupid boys yelled, "Hey, it's Shamu and her friend, Shamu, Jr.!" Really guys? Thank heavens for me I've also been witty, so I came back with some snarky remark that shut them up. Those same boys were like that throughout high school. They were cruel to this friend of mine. It stopped with me because they knew I'd be vocal back and point out their worst features without thinking twice. Coping mechanism? Probably. Words work though. Sometimes they're piercing. 

And now that this has become a novella, I'll try to get to the point. I realized that as much as I know Heavenly Father loves me, I also know He loves all of His children. ALL of them. Even if they don't know Him or even recognize that He exists. Because He's our Father, He created us as we should be. Sure, we fluctuate in weight, our shape changes as we grow older, our looks become different as we age, but through it all He loves us just as much as He ever did. So who am I to judge what another person is or isn't? Who cares what they're wearing or whether they combed their hair? What does it matter that their personal habits are different than mine? What does height, weight, size or anything else have to do with anything? It doesn't! Heavenly Father sees us as we are now and as we can become. He sees us through "rose colored glasses" (if you will) because He sees our untapped potential as not only human beings, but as His imperfect children. 

As lunch wound down, I found that instead of looking at the outward appearances of people, I was looking more inward. I watched the couple sitting across from me with a set of twin girls (about two-years-old) and a young son (about 6 months) as they tried to get their daughters to eat and keep their son happy all while trying to connect in some way over what was probably his short lunch hour. I watched the young girl sitting across from me as she studied out of a text book and wrote notes furiously as she tried to better herself. I watched as friends sat together and talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company as they caught up on life adventures, sorrows, mishaps, and joys. I saw an older couple help each other to the restrooms, wait for each other to finish, and walk hand-in-hand back through the mall the way they'd come without saying anything at all to each other, and I knew they were still communicating. 

I think I got a small glimpse of what our Heavenly Father sees in each one of us: His children doing the best they can with what they've got. The reality is we're much more alike than we are different. Even though we're on similar journeys, we're still on different journeys. And hopefully, somewhere along the way, we're enjoying our journey and not worrying so much about what others think or what society says we need to be. 

From now on, I hope I can keep that perspective and, instead of judging those I see, love those I see. I have a sneaky feeling that people watching is going to be much better.